Self Reflection in Alternate Worlds

In the winter months I really just don’t want to go outside.

I came to Canada for school but in truth I am a summer person. 

In the summers as a kid in Washington DC almost everyday I would go out to my apartment building’s pool. Most of the time during the weekdays it would just be me and the lifeguard. 

I didn’t like doing laps, didn’t see any real point to it. Get to that wall and turn around  and go the other way. I’d mess around, try to swim like a fish. Do underwater flips, imagine sharks in the water so I’d have to figure out how I could swim faster or stranger so I could escape their jaws.

After I’d come up for air, the warm summer  air, some days closer to 90 F (~33 C) 

The light would reflect on the water right in my chlorine red eyes.  I’d just sit there with the water just below my nose. 

The calm undulating waves I created swimming around shimmer light on my face.

In the winter I’d play video games, Skyrim, Age of Mythology and World of Warcraft and a couple others. I had a space to have that type of fun. Run around fighting bandits, doing magic and building cities

This was Around 9-13 then I’m 24 now. I remember having no shame when it came to that. Having fun.

It’s interesting how the world shapes you.

After I turned 14 I started to change. I still played video games but I kept it a secret. I loved to swim but I only did laps. I got so embarrassed to be thought of as weird or childish I hid away from what I loved most. By 18 I stopped swimming all together. I couldn’t let the lifeguard (who was probably my age) see me doing all those strange things.  I’d just stayed inside most of the time. Ironically, I worked at a local swimming pool for 3-4 years. In my entire time there I got in the pool 3 times. It was at the front desk so I spent most of my time inside. 

I kept my shirt on. Didn’t even think about jumping in.  Lived my life behind the computer screen.

I’ve learned a lot from videogames,
From World of Warcraft, Adventure is always out there.

From Skyrim, friends will be there if you need help.

Grand Theft Auto, (Ignoring the theft) Simply having fun for fun’s sake. (I love the driving)

and Age of Mythology. Organizing myself.

I had my last inside summer two years ago. though I haven’t found a pool yet I have found a new respect for myself. I have only one life. One life to be proud of myself. Happy that I am able to swim. Though videogames provide an escape from reality. Reality itself can be like a videogame. And I can have just as much fun.